More than a couple times in recent history, I have heard from my friends who are girls (not girlfriends, sorry ladies, I'm tight with Official Declaration 1) about a certain breed of dating male. Tell me if you know any yourself; the defining characteristic is that he will try to win girls over by virtue of his intentionally overbrimming piety. Maybe in casual conversation he will mention how much he respects women, or how much he wants to be just like his mission president, or how many wonderful promises his patriarchal blessing makes, but no, he can't tell you about those. And then he does anyway.
Now don't get me wrong, piety is a thing I strive to have in greater abundance. However, that will not be the subject on a first date, or even a second or third. I don't want the girl to think I'm her dad or something. Pretty sure a much better idea would be to...uhhh...make her laugh. Maybe instead of telling her how much you respect women, you should just let them know how much you like them. I'm sorry, I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on ya'll, but your own righteousness and respect and reverence for eternal things, that should just come through if its really there. You shouldn't need to advertise it.
Oh, and if you are a BYU student, that kind of religiosity is the last trait that will set you apart from the 15,000 other guys here.
I need feedback, people. Let me know if I'm out of line here. I've never witnessed this lameness myself, but being a guy, I'm not in much of a position to see it.
7 comments:
I completely agree with you. How did Christ teach us that we should live? By telling everyone and their dog that "I'm a BYU student" or "I'm the Activities co-chair." Who freakin cares? I don't care if you are a phyiscal facilities person, the true nature of who you are is by how you live. Are you a light sitting upon a hill? Or, are you a loud speaker on a hill?
So, I completely agree with you and your thoughts.
Coming from a girl, I have to agree. I don't usually care that much about a guy's spirituality (especially if it's just a first date...comments like that will turn it into a last date quickly!), but I think you've got the right idea with the laughing thing...;-)
Then again, I'm sure there are a few Mollys out there for the Peters.
Perhaps the announcement of a potluck dinner for all students with a fireside afterwards will entice some of the Mollys and Peters together, thus clearing the dating pool of undesirable....undesirableness. Hah. I'm so eloquent, aren't I?
date! date! date!
This is so true, I've got a roomate that is a Peter through and through, and though he doesn't realize it, being a Peter and dropping not so casual hints about his spirituality, or raising your hand to give comments 12 times in Sunday School doesn't make you look any better to the ladies. Guys just need to play it cool and let their personalities shine. No one wants to see a guy try and be super religious, its just weird.
I must say I also hate the overtly pious people. There was one guy in one of my wards that just made you want to swear just to see what he'd do :)
But there is something to be said for the truely righteous guys who do the right thing because they're supposed too. And keep all of their covenents they've made with the Lord. It was really hard to find a righteous, honest, worthy RM, but I did.
My frustration in this area are girls who refuse to date anyone who isn't an RM. Generally it's well intentioned when a girl says "I'm looking for a righteous RM," but I've realized over and over again how ridiculous it is. I know some pretty jerky, shallow guys who have served missions and some absolutely amazing ones who for various reasons didn't. I've just talked to too many girls at BYU who say they would never consider dating a guy who didn't serve a mission, which only adds to the whole problem of holier-than-thou-ness that exists in Provo. I'm certainly not trying to diminish the value of a mission. I think it's just about the best thing anyone can do. But let's not sit here and say we shouldn't act pious or brag about callings when we also say it's only acceptable to have had the calling of a mission, and judge people on that fact (whether consciously or not). It's like how the Church News finds it necessary to mention whether a person mentioned in the article is an RM when it has absolutely nothing to do with the subject... but I'll stop ranting on this one now.
Posted by emily: "I'm certainly not trying to diminish the value of a mission..."
Yes you are.
But I kid the precious, sweet-spirited young woman...
I know plenty of guys who do this to some degree, but the thing is, these are completely normal guys outside the company of women. It's not just them, either; the guys at BYU are tripping over themselves to find new and exciting ways to be emasculated, from baking cookies for girls and cleaning their kitchens to performing stupid love songs with high-pitched vocals on their guitars, BYU men will do anything to prove how sensitive and vulnerable they are. Girly is the new manly, I guess.
In my opinion you can't really blame them for acting this way when that's the kind of behavior that is being rewarded by women. I can't hold it against them any more than I can hold it against girls for wearing skanky clothes; you do what you can to stay true to yourself, but at the end of the day you get sick of spinning your wheels and go with whatever gets results.
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